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Two ‘intrepid’ hunters stood up before the world’s press last week to declare they have found Bigfoot. In fact they had bagged and tagged one of our long lost hairy friends, and it wasnt even that one who used to be in a sitcom…
They had this particular specimen housed in a chest freezer - which seems a bit odd right off, but there you go, bigfoot hunters are bound to be a bit odd.
But guess, what - it was a hoax! No - I know you’ll be amazed, but the Georgia (USA, not the troubled caucasus nation) Bigfoot turned out to be made of rubber. Boo hiss!
What is strange about this is not that the bigfoot was a fake, but that it was so obvious! Why would two apparently sane men stick their necks out and claim to have found Bigfoot, only to later admit they had stuck a dummy in the freezer? That’s plane bonkers! So… is it all a conspiracy? Did the black helicopters come and take away the real bigfoot and replace him with a rubber model?
Keep watching the skies…
I picked this up on treehugger the other day - a way to hack the planet… in a kind of lavatorial sense, essentially vandalising your friends toilets, so that they use less water… unless they’ve got a composting bog of course.
good joke on Maggi Dawn’s site - I’ve pasted it below for those unwilling to click through…
René Descartes is sitting in a pub, he’s had a bit too much to drink, and is beginning to feel the effects.
“Another beer?” asks the landlord. “I think not,” says Descartes, and promptly vanishes.
Been working on some stuff for the World Horizons Conference in January - something I’m probably going to use in some way is this rebranding of some of our favourite saints…
So which one do you like the sound of most?
one of the Extremists?
Brendan – Into extreme sports – sailed a boat made of animal skins from Ireland to America.
Aidan – Mad for cross cultural mission – took the harsh Northumbrians the ‘milk of less solid doctrine’ and defied his patron by giving away his horse!
Columbanus – Political radical – denounced the royal court and got exiled for it!
one of the Artists?
Brigid – contemporary artist – founded a school of art.
Columba – the original bootlegger – copied a bible without permission.
or one of the Welsh?
Illtyd – old soldier – after giving up war (he was apparently one of King Arthur’s knights!) he set up a mission training school.
Samson – reluctant abbot – kept trying to hide from people but they kept finding him, planted various churches and a monastery in Brittany.
David – militant vegetarian – lived an austere life and gave no quarter to comfort – his symbol is a leek!
Might go for some video stuff on this I think.
an advertisement for an office that would suit me very well…
is good, went to see it this morning with the girls, a lorra lorra laughs chuck, and with a somewhat less than po faced look at environmental destruction and the American way. Doh!
quite an entertaining youtube video found on the green guy and treehugger, which shows how people ignore bike thievery. However, it would have been better if the guy who was doing the ‘theft’ didnt have his trouser leg tucked in his sock, cos that makes him look like a cyclist rather than a thief. still good for a chuckle though.
Also on treehugger - someone does a week’s fasting and realises its good for them… well fancy that, if only all the major world religions had suggested that before…
(post number 3 in the ‘War on slugs series’)
In a series of daring raids, our troops have taken the battle back to the slugs - capturing them in their hideouts, and showing them who is boss!
Our brave boys… and girls… take the fight to the slugs.
“Now the war has really stepped up a gear” commented one official, who explained he doesnt like “the way slugs are all slimy and stuff.”
With precise timing, a series of attacks were launched on known slug hide outs, which included paving slabs, and an area of rockery. During the rockery raid, one slug was discovered hiding only feet away from the runner bean plant which suffered a devastating attack only days ago.
“To find the slug hiding in the very area in which we lost so many young leaves…” said one onlooker, “is chilling. I can only thank heaven that we got to him, before he got to the pumpkin plant.”
Hiding in the rockery… the slugs are everywhere.
A full scale seek and destroy mission is still underway for the slugs spiritual leader, Oslima Bin Sluggin, who is believed to be in hiding in the wall between the garden, and Harold-next-door’s garden.
“The problem is that there are so many caves, a real network of hideouts” admitted a spokesman. “But we are in this for the long haul, he wont beat us.”
A cave system in the wall adjoining Harold-next-door’s garden.
In addition to the attack missions, a renewed defence system has hurriedly been put into place, three new beer traps have been put into effect, and it is hoped that these will help cut down the number of slugs who can roam freely in the garden.
Commisioned: three new beer traps.
One thing is for certain, the longer this goes on, the more difficult the diplomatic situationwith Harold-next-door, who now claims that extremist slugs are holding training camps in the compost bin.
Now Harold-next-door claims the slugs are in the compost bin!
More to follow.
“We are aware of at least twelve cells of fanatical slugs who have been planning raids on targets in the garden.
“The problem we have encountered is that our agents, have traditionally been trained to infiltrate gangs of earwigs and woodlice.
“As a result of this, our ability to speak the language of slug is hampered.
“Fortunately we have a snail in the fish tank who speaks a form of snail - which is a bit like slug, but agents who are fluent in slug are hard to come by. This is an issue we are currently redressing, but not quickly enough to make an impact to this situation.” Press release issued by the office of the supreme gardener.
This was the grim news which greeted us as we rose this morning, the world is different now… there is a tangible sense of fear in the air, and extra blackbirds and thrushes are constantly patrolling the skies above the garden.
Without a doubt, the spirit of the blitz is alive and well here. We’ve all been making the best of it, digging for Britain, that kind of thing. Last night we hunkered down as best we could, hardly sleeping, knowing that any moment the slugs could strike again.
But there is also a constant air of suspicion in the air, and it has been directed not just at the overgrown weed patch in Harold-next-door’s garden, but also at a more distant, and older enemy… the French!
Conspiracy theorists weren’t slow to point out that in fact the French beans had not been touched by the invaders, and some witnesses claimed to have seen snails in the area. These two factors taken separately may have meant nothing, but we all know snails are french, and so are french beans. Curioser and curioser.
Suspicious - the French beans werent touched.
At first light this morning the garage was raided, two slugs were discovered hiding out there, but a spokesman said that they were believed to be loners, not part of the terror network.
The whereabouts of these captives is unknown, but using the emergency powers granted by the crisis cabinet, a salt encrusted prison camp has been set up on the old-green-table-in-front-of-the-kitchen, this facility has become known as Bantam Guano Ay, or sometimes Pa Cry Max.
Meanwhile moves are underway to engage in dialogue with Harold-next-door, in a dramatic last ditch effort to prevent hostilities breaking out.
“I remember when a ball went in his garden, he didnt throw it back for weeks” said one little girl tearfully. “He’s a vile dictator!” She added.
It is certainly clear that Harold-next-door has been known to dig ‘tators, but whether he does this in a vile way, is unclear. Also unclear is the whereabouts of the slug spiritual leader, Oslima Bin Sluggin, he is thought by some to be hiding out in a small cave in the old wall which borders the side of the garden, and has so far been thought to protect us from the ravages of Harold-next-door, and his chemically powered gardening practises.
“A man who uses chemicals on his plants cannot be trusted” reminded a ministry spokesman. “This kind of indiscriminate use of chemical and biological weaponry to cleanse his gardens of plants he doesnt like, which he describes as weeds, is evidence of his callousness.”
Some dissident voices have claimed however that in fact the slugs were initially trained by our own government, during a campaign against the-bloke-who-lived-next-door-on-the-other-side-but-who-moved, which began after he kept blocking up the lane behind the houses, with his van, at inconvenient times.
“Our own government financed and trained the slugs, in an effort to destroy his plants during the spring of 2005.
“At that time the slugs, in particular the Mujasluggin were seen as useful to us… the enemy of our enemy is our friend and all that.” Said film maker and outspoken chubby guy Michael Moremoremore.
“It just goes to show!” He added knowingly.
More to follow.
This morning the world awoke to a terrible sight. Extremist slugs had wreaked untold devastation on an innocent, and unsuspecting runner bean plant.
Apparently the slugs had been secretly training for many days before carrying out the outrage, led by senior slugs who had attended secret training camps for Mujasluggin.
“This was a dramatic failure of intelligence on our part” admitted one official. “These slugs have taken us entirely by surprise, our defences have been breached, and a terrible cost has been extracted.”
The scene of devastation.
A crisis cabinet was convened, and a ministry spokesman briefed a hushed press conference early this morning:
“We will not let this go unpunished. These slugs cannot strike at the very heart of our garden and be allowed to slither away totally free.
“As far as we know, they have returned to their hiding places, under logs, in between stones in the wall, and in other dark and damp areas.
“But believe this, we will find them, and they will answer for what happened here today.”
This statement was later followed by a message of support from the primeminister of the garden over the road, who pledged his full support, and made clear his personal commitment to be “tough on slugs, tough on the causes of slugs.”
As yet though the causes of slugs are unclear. The primeminister also said that he had been made aware of intelligence which showed that slugs in Harold-next-door’s garden were able to strike at the runner beans at just 45 minutes notice.
One problem that has been highlighted in the aftermath of the attack, are that our garden’s deterrants are outdated.
“It’s clear that our systems need to be overhauled” a spokesman said, “these slugs should never have slipped through so easily.
“It may even be that they disguised themselves as snail, or even worms, to affect this infiltration, and we therefore advise that all citizens be aware of any, and I mean any slimy creature, as they may pose a real and present threat to the security of our garden.”
Some campaigners have pointed out that under the terms of the Innes no3 treaty, all gardens have pledged not to renew or update their deterrant systems. But a government spokesman pointed out that these rules are for ‘other’ gardens, where the administrations cannot be trusted to garden efficiently.
“Some of these gardens are allowed to run wild, with little or no investment made in terms of cultivation. In such places, which are best described as ‘the axis of evil’, we as responsible gardeners need to be firm in our resolve over allowing them to develop new weapons, which they could in future use against us, or worse, could fall into the wrong hands.”
“Imagine what a slug could do with that technology!” He added.
Innocent and vulnerable - the French beans could be next!
Concern is now growing for the vulnerability of some young french bean plants, which have so far remained unscathed.
“We dont know when, but we do know that at some point an attempt will be made on these french beans, and in order to prevent that we must take decisive action.” The spokesman explained.
“A garden shed cabinet has been convened, and we are considering the next step in this campaign . An invasion of Harold-next-door’s garden has not been ruled out, it is clear that he is harbouring slugs, and our intel supports the theory that the slugs spiritual leader, Oslima Bin Sluggin may be based there.”
Opposition voices have been raised, as fears grow that a full on invasion may happen, which would pose terrible problems with the police, what with it being someone elses garden and everything… Critics have also claimed that the real reason for the invasion is not slugs at all, but is motivated by the fact that Harold-next-door is brewing his own bio diesel in his garage.
More to follow.
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